The Magnesium Story

The Magnesium Story
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Post Physio Theraphy Session on 15 July

"Stephen had ALL the excuses in the WORLD to give up on life but he somehow pushed through it all.. that is incredibly unbelievable.."
Find a reason to live.  keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival as been having a sense of humour

It's always a depressing week after physiotherapy

Last week 2 severely handicapped joined me in therapy
All I want is to hug their parents and tell them, there is a special bright person in that body. But I can see they already know that as they ease those tiny bodies on the tilting table for the physio workout. The dad dukung the daughter sambil sending small kisses on her forehead. Mom in a plain baju kurung wipes off the saliva from her mouth.
Bila berada dalam ruang begitu - you begin to understand that your body is failing you but your mind still has a mental picture of you being very healthy. Reality sets in hard when that is not the truth
For being someone who googles her medication all the time for it's side effects, it took me some time to do it this time..
"Myonal : Treatment of spastic paralysis in cerebrovascular diseases, spastic spinal paralysis, cervical spondylosis, post-op sequelae, spinal trauma, head injury, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, cerebral palsy, spinocerebellar degenerations, spinal vascular diseases & other encephalomyelopathies"
The description sahaja dah depressing do I really want to see the side effects?
"Gabapentin : Monotherapy in treatment of partial seizures w/ & w/o secondary generalization in adult & childn ≥12 yr. Adjunctive therapy in treatment of partial seizures w/ & w/o secondary generalization in adult & childn ≥3 yr. Neuropathic pain in adult ≥18 yr. "
Itu belum lagi perasaan bila mak you sendiri call you and tells you she's buying the wheelchair. You tell them, get the cane but then they end up buying the wheelchair. "Siapa tahu nanti we might need it, maybe not for you but for us"
This is not what it should be. It should be me taking care of them not the other way round
So I'm writing this not for sympathies. I feel the need for my brain to continuously work. I have xrays and MRIs again next week and I tak mahu go into that loop of feeling I menyusahkan semua orang and I just cant do this anymore and please let it end. I have to keep my brain busy with the will to live and if the brain can survive - the rest will too. Look at the worst case senarios and rejoice at moments you are feeling at the top of the world
Who knows when I am gone, someone will read this - screenshot a few years back and suffering something similar or worst and have decided to end their life and cant do it anymore but have decided to take charge and rethink about life and have the will to move on.
"I have lived over two thirds of my life, with the thread of death hanging over me. Because every new day could be my last, I have a desire to make the most of every minute - keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival as been having a sense of humour" Stephen Hawking
If I do walk into Hawking's shoes - I promise to ask Nora Danish if I can borrow her voice for my voicefile *sengih*

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